Understand the three unique single parent dating experiences that can happen to you as the SingleDad Dating Advice continues on SingleDad.com
Single Parent Dating Project Part 2
| Author: RJ Jaramillo | Posted: 07/24/10 | ||
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Understand the three unique single parent dating experiences that can happen to you as the SingleDad Dating Advice continues on SingleDad.com
Think Three
I have found that there are three general types of dating experiences when you are dating another single parent. All three will have a positive effect on you during your transition into single parenthood, but it is important how you act during each of them. The key to enjoying all three is the ability to recognize which category you are experiencing. As a newly divorced father, you need to pay close attention to what your partner is communicating in order for you to relax and enjoy your single parent dating experience.
Family to Family Play Dates
In this single parent dating type, another family wants to just hang out with your family and have a good time. These Family to Family activities are casual, social gatherings and there must be a sense of family security. You will recognize this type of date when you are asked to a variety of “meet ups” and there is very little time to switch between watching the kids and enjoying light conversation. My advice is to relax and enjoy the moment with family. The key SingleDad advice here is to make sure you keep the dialog light and conversational. Many times when I am coaching SingleDad members on this subject, they say that it is too easy to stray over to a negative conversation about divorce. I feel that this is a trap that most men can’t escape. This is a test to see how you respond to questions about past relationships. (Women are extremely smart by the way!) The last thing you want to do on a Family to Family meet up is to participate in a negative conversation about your divorce or ex-spouse. When you find yourself in this situation, my advice is to simply be sincere and reply with “My marriage was a great experience and I learned a lot about myself and how I can do better in the future.”
As for the Family to Family play dates, keep the focus on the kids and avoid heavy conversation all together. What I mean is that your date is just asking for social activities with family. Allow time for that person to feel comfortable before moving the relationship beyond the family get-togethers. By all means, avoid making the Family to Family play date into an intimate encounter. This is not what it is all about. Unless you have been with this person for a while, it will be very confusing to your children to see “Daddy” starting random acts of affection on play dates.
Social & Physical Interaction with a Gal Pal
“Do you want to learn yoga?” “What about taking a cooking class with me right after you and I mountain bike for 4 hours?” If you have ever heard these invites before, they are probably signs of the next category of Single Parent Dating called the “Gal Pal Date”. This is a woman who needs to get away from her single parent family for a while and have some good one-on-one time with the opposite sex. Mind you, this is not a “friends with benefits” type of relationship. Sometimes misery needs company and the fact that you are newly divorced puts you in the bullseye. This single parent dating experience is what I call, “MacGyver Dating”. Yes, that famous TV show where the star, which is you now, has put himself in the most awkward position and now has to find a way out and look like a hero. I don’t know how many yoga, cooking, or pottery classes I took, but I can only tell you that once you try a couple of these Social and Physical Dating Experiences, you will never need to enhance your adrenaline rush with Red Bull or 5-Hour Energy Drink. They are fun, simple, social engagements and I encourage any newly divorced man to accept these invites for a variety of reasons. First, you get to get out there and try something new. Second, there is something special about enjoying the company of the opposite sex who can relate to your new divorced lifestyle. There is always value in spending quality time together and you never know what new activities you will experience.
When you meet a woman that wants to try something new and asks you to join her, just say “Yes”. You never know what will happen at the end of the experience and more importantly, you never know how the two of you will react to the actual experience either. What better way to “size up” your compatibility level than to see each other in the moment. I know several members on my website that have converted their “MacGyver Dates” into committed relationships. You just never know what could happen. Either way, you will make a new friend and learn something new about yourself.
Traditional Blind Date
This type of Single Parent dating is where all the cards are on the table. This is the more traditional format, based on a sequence of events: The Meet and Greet, The Lunch or Happy Hour, the Formal Dinner, etc… There are no kids or families involved, except in conversations, so you are 100% accountable for your choices, actions and consequences. Most single parents do not have a lot of time to date, so this type of dating often comes with mixed results based on the frequency of dating. It can be difficult if both parties are single parents due to custody schedules and busy lives. Chemistry is decided quickly and the relationship can be determined in a matter of a few dates.
I discourage my members from this type of dating for a couple of reasons. First, most newly divorced dads are not ready to date and the last thing I want them to do is ruin their chances with the right woman. Second, when I am coaching one of my members about their new single parent lifestyle, a lot of work goes into redeveloping confidence and communication skills. Women are smart and extremely intuitive on the first date. Men are nervous and extremely unaware of what words are coming out of their mouths on a first date. So, unless you have solid the communications skills and a handle on using proper grammar, humor, and improvisation, I would suggest the other two categories of Single Parent Dating to give yourself the best chance of a successful Single Parent Dating experience.
I hope this article gives you a better understanding of the unique world of Single Parent Dating and what opportunities to look forward to. If you are interested in Single Dad Coaching Classes or a FREE 15-minute evaluation, please email me at rj@singledad.com.
Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, 45, is the Founder of SingleDad.com, a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children. RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents “Make Life Happen…Again!”
