First of all I think it is important for men after divorce to change their surroundings. It helps with the healing process. When my ex-wife and I separated we had a mutual separation, it was needed for everyone. She did not want the house, due to memories, so I got the house.
Does your House look like "Family Man" or "Bachelor Pad"?
| Author: Wade Black | Posted: 12/11/09 | ||
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First of all I think it is important for men after divorce to change their surroundings. It helps with the healing process. When my ex-wife and I separated we had a mutual separation, it was needed for everyone. She did not want the house, due to memories, so I got the house. Due to certain conditions, I also became the custodial parent and had primary custody of my children.
The first thing that I did was take down all the pictures of us as a family. I made sure the boys picked out a family picture for each for their rooms. Then I took down all decorations that she had made before and purchased new stuff with my sons. Any man knows that most decisions made about home decoration are not done by them. We actually do not care, but also do not want to listen to the constant complaining if we make a poor choice. The new stuff looked fine and we all liked the new look of our home.
Keep it simple, uncluttered and easy to navigate. If you have interests or hobbies that were always kept in the basement or garage, bring them into the home. Make it yours. My hobby and life pursuit is martial arts. I brought the “dojo” into our “man cave”
I found different tasteful Asian themed items and put them on the walls. I painted the hallways and hung my swords on the wall in “my bedroom”. I had always wanted them in my room, but was not allowed. I created my own “Feng Shui."
I also took out all electronics out of my room except the alarm clock. No TV no phone, no computer. This way I am not distracted and am forced out of my room to talk to my kids, of course since there is no TV they do not come in, so it is also a good place to hide.
My Keys to a successful transition:
- Keep it simple
- Take out all the old stuff that she picked out or insisted that you buy.
- Bring your hobbies into your home.
- Decorate your bedroom exactly the way you want.
If you are not sure if your “man cave” would be woman friendly, have a friend or a girlfriend give you some ideas. The wonderful thing about getting ideas from a female friend is that you can ignore them without offending her or suffering any consequences.
In the end, you must remember that the decisions you make now are your own. Instead of having to agree with someone or worry about an opinion; the decisions and opinions are all yours. One of the greatest rewards I see now is how proud my sons feel in their new home surroundings and I also have to admit that I like the surprised look on my ex-wife’s face when she comes over to pick up the boys and sees that none of her decorations are up anymore!
Wade Black, Member Contribution
Currently work as School Chair for ITT Technical Institute for Business
Divorced since April 9, 09, Married previous to that for 14 years.
I am single.Before Ohio, I lived in Flordia where I ran a scuba operation and a martial arts operation. Before Florida I lived in Michigan, I graduated from Eastern Michigan after I did a few years in the Marine Corps.
TRUMPETMAN51 - October 23, 2010
Wow...sounds like you couldn't wait to eliminate every sign that you were ever married. I have to wonder how old your kids were , since it is not mentioned in the article. Unless your kids were really angry at their mother, I don't see how taking every little piece of everything she ever had a part in and tossing it out is healthy or emotionally stable in the eyes of your kids.
I see this so often in divorce. The anger is huge, and becomes a tool to "get even" with someone, in this case getting even for not allowing weapons to be displayed on the wall by removing every decoration your ex had added to the home.
This article is very "me me me". I don't ever see that you asked the kids anything about how they felt, what they might want to keep, or if you even cared to ask them.
Sorry, but I don't consider this article 100% good advice. I also read some generalizations about women that may set a bad example for your sons when it comes time for them to pick a mate. Too bad....