Ask SingleDad: Dating Background Checks?

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Ask SingleDad is the Single Parent Dating Section of SingleDad. Both Men and Women share their dating experiences and ask our staff the tough, single parent dating questions. This week’s dating topic: Dating Background Checks?

Ask SingleDad: Dating Background
Checks?

Dear Ask SingleDad,

I just
started online dating. I am a 39-year old, Divorced Dad with a 7-year old
daughter and I want to take my time in meeting the right woman. I have tried
E-Harmony and Match and I really don’t think that they know how to cater to
Single Parent Dating. Do you have any dating sites that you can recommend for
me?

Anyways, on
another note, I had a date the other night and I wanted to ask you to share
this with your other SingleDad members. I had recently gone out on a "first
date" with a single woman
, no kid’s status. She was 35, never married and looked like her profile pictures, (this is rare at
times). The first date was going
well until I had asked her about some of her past dating experiences.

Unfortunately,
this led into an awkward conversation which I now regret having. Apparently,
this woman had spent the last four months with a married man and was quite
disappointed with her results. This experience led her into sharing that she
intends to do "background checks" on the men she decides to date. I was a bit
taken back by her story telling and when she was asking for my first and last
name, I was completely freaked out. To make a long story short, what is a guy
to do under these circumstances? This woman is obviously scorned by a bad
experience and doesn’t realize that she lost all beauty and attractiveness that
she had before the "background" comment.

Any advice
on how to handle this situation?

Brad, Santa
Monica Ca.

dating two timer

Answer: Timing is everything…

Hey Brad,

Let me
tackle your questions one at a time. As far as your internet dating on Match
and EHarmony
; these are BIG companies that run huge databases of people and try
their best to match you with the "averages". I agree that they do not do a good
job on catering to Single Parents, and believe me I have reached out to a few
people on these sites, (@Match,
are you listening?
) These sites just don’t get that Single Parent Dating has a
completely different style and they are not too worried about it because their
formula works for the masses. Right now, I can’t recommend a decent dating site
online that caters to Single Parent Dating, but I will do some research and get
back to you.

As for the
Background check, this subject has come up a few times and I see your situation
play out all too often. We are in the age of information and technology, so get
used to it. All it takes is one bad experience on either side to become this
way. Unfortunately, this woman that you met had her bad experience around the
time of meeting you, so don’t take it personal and try to understand what life
would be like wearing her shoes and having that happen to you.

If you run
into this situation again, my advice is to take the following steps:

Background
checks should NOT be a first date topic of conversation. Make sure your date
knows that if the conversation comes up, you will be happy to discuss it at a
stage in the relationship where you both feel like things are moving forward.
At that time, as long as you have nothing to hide, let the woman know that you
should BOTH offer the same information and perform the background check
together; equal playing fields means equal dating. If you
got something to hide; be honest and spit it out. Keeping secrets never works
in dating…

Good Luck
Brad and keep me posted.

Are You Dating a Divorced Dad or
Single Parent?


Join the conversation. Whether you are a Single Woman wanting to understand how
to date a SingleDad or Divorced Dad wanting to understand the world of Single
Parent Dating. Submit your dating question to our staff and we will submit your
topic and keep you anonymous. Email us: Dating@SingleDad.com

Richard JaramilloRichard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”

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Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com, a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children. RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents “Make Life Happen…Again!”