SingleDad wants to help you understand Single Parent Dating from a Man’s perspective. How To Date a Divorced Dad is the Q&A Single Parent Dating Advice section on SingleDad. Our topic this month, how to date a divorced dad, offers unique insight to women in how to date and possibly develop a relationship with a divorced dad. Read more…
How To Date a Divorced Dad: Saying Good Bye to Kids
This month’s topic comes from a single Woman dating a Single
Dad and her desire to say goodbye to the children of a divorced dad. What are
the rules when a woman wants to say good bye to the children after the breakup?
Saying Good Bye to Kids
Dear SingleDad, My name is Laura and I am a 33-year old
Single Woman, never married and have no kids. I have been dating a 45-year old,
Divorced Dad with two kids for the past nine months. I have grown very attached
to his sons over the course of our relationship. The trouble I want to address
is the fact that I do not want to date my divorced dad anymore and I need to
have a break up conversation soon.
My question is this: What are the rules or advice you can
give me when it comes to breaking up and wanting to have a talk with the kids.
Do I get to have a conversation with my divorced dad’s sons? I want to know if
I can continue a relationship with them.
Dear Goodbye Girl,
I can relate to your situation and was recently reminded by
my daughter about my single parent dating mistakes. My daughter was very polite
when she told me about a certain girlfriend I had in the past that she grew
attached to. The problem to her story is that when I broke up with that
particular woman, my daughter told me that it taught her not to get emotionally
attached to any of her dad’s girlfriends going forward… The pain in her voice
reminded me of how much of a mistake I had made by getting my social life mixed
into my single parenting, family and fatherhood life.
I find your situation difficult because you have grown attached
to these two boys who are going to miss you as much as you are going to miss
them. I can tell you from my past mistakes mentioned above that I did not allow
my past girlfriends communicate with any of my children after a break up. Call
it selfish or protective; I did not want contact after a break up. I obviously made a poor choice of getting my
children involved in relationships that had no long term plans.
However, in your situation, I completely support your idea
but caution you to have two separate conversations. First, get the "break up,
not a good fit" talk over with and keep the talk simple and direct. Second,
thank your divorced dad for the opportunity to share his two sons with you and
offer him your idea of support. Tell him that you want to stay in touch with
him and the boys strictly in a plutonic and supportive way. You have nothing to
lose and will only regret it if you don’t speak your thoughts and wishes. Let
your divorced dad to "take all the time he needs to think about it" and clearly
tell him that you respect his decision if he does not like the idea. If you
just want to say your "goodbyes" to the two boys, offer it in a letter to them.
Keeping the letter simple and letting them know that there was nothing they did
wrong and that their dad is a great father is the best way for kids to
understand to find closure with you.
Keep me posted and best of luck!
Are You Dating a Divorced Dad? Ask SingleDad
SingleDad wants to help you understand Single Parent Dating
from a Man’s perspective. If you are a Single Woman dating a divorced dad and
have a question, or a Divorced Dad seeking dating advice, send us an email
to: Dating@SingleDad.com or CLICK HERE and fill out our form. Your
question will be posted to our readers and we will maintain your privacy.
Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”