Are you a Going Family?

0
1728
Rating :
(0 Votes )

SingleDad.com is your Single Parent Resource. This month’s article topic is all about the lives we live Co-Parenting our children and driving them around 7 days a week, sometimes 24 hours a day. Are you one of those Going Families?

Have you ever heard of the
‘”Going Family?” You probably know the ones I am talking about. These are the
families that are running from one type of school, social or sporting event to
another – all day long, 7 days a week. There doesn’t seem to be a calm moment
in the “Going Family” environment and I just don’t understand it, do you?

Here are a few “Going Family”
myths that I uncovered

Myth #1: Only Child

An important thing I noticed is that the
amount of “going” in a family doesn’t necessarily relate to the number of
children in the family. I have seen an only child in my neighborhood shuttled
from school to their tutor and then to karate, soccer practice and finally to music
lessons all in one afternoon and into the evening. This kid always looks tired
to me and I rarely see him playing with my son or the other kids in the
neighborhood because he is too darn busy running around to the next “Going
Family” appointment.

Myth #2: Married Couple vs.
Single Parent

Another point I want to make
is that this “Going Family” phenomenon can apply to just about any type of
family. From the single parent who is co-parenting with their ex, to the married
couple that just can’t keep their children at home; everybody seems to get
caught up in the “Going Family” game.

I have some theories about
this subject. One is that some parents just don’t want to keep their kids at
home. Think about this, if they stay at home with their children, they might
just get to know them and have a real relationship. Another one of my other
theories is that a parent wants to keep their child busy at all times and wants
to make sure that their “little Jonny” is exposed to just about every type of
activity possible. Is this done out of guilt?
It sounds compelling and compassionate, right? I think it’s just silly
and wrong and it exposes our children to mental and physical overload. Life gets busy enough when we are older, why start
our children early?

Myth #3: The Other Persons
Fault

I talk to many single parents
about this issue and I am surprised by how often they blame over-scheduling on
the “other person”. I hear things like, ‘It’s too late, my ex-wife already
signed my kids up and now I have to take them to practice during my custody
weekends.” I don’t agree with this at all.

When I was married, I noticed
the sense of urgency in my wife to have our children “rushed” into various
sign-ups. It didn’t bother me as much when I was married, probably because I
was just as caught up with it as the rest of us. But after we divorced, I
noticed it a lot more; only in a different way. The news of the “Going Family”
activities came in a “after the fact” disclosure from my ex. Emails like, “By
the way, your son has practice after school at…” or “Don’t forget that I told
you to take your daughter to…” I finally
reached a breaking point. I noticed that my custody weekends were being filled
from Friday to Sunday with these “going events” and I wasn’t spending any
quality time with my children. Instead of using anger, I practiced civil
disobedience for a few weekends in a row. We didn’t leave the house for any
activities other than a trip to the grocery store and it worked! The “Going Family” syndrome came to a
screeching halt. Today, all kid’s activities are discussed with diplomacy. My
ex-wife and I negotiate very well and most activities are managed fairly
between both households and custody schedules.

Now, I am not blaming a
particular person based on their marital status or gender. I am just complaining
about the “Going Family” and what it seems to be doing to our children. I hear
a certain expectation coming from our kids – they always have to be “going
somewhere”. I have been co-parenting for
over 10 years now and I can tell you that I am still caught off guard by some of
my children’s “going” requests.

Daughter: “Dad, what are
doing this weekend, and where are we going?”

Father: “Going?”

Daughter: “Yes, going. I’m
bored.”

Father: “We are going to stay
home this weekend”

Daughter: “Why?”

Father: “Because when I was
your age, I used to work side by side with my Father and do yard work with him
and my brother…”

Daughter: “Oh”

Daughter: “Isn’t that why you
have landscapers Daddy?”

Richard JaramilloRichard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”

SHARE
Previous articleDivorced Dads Rights on SingleDad.com – Poor Stay at Home Mom
Next articleCelebrate National Public Health Week
Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com, a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children. RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents “Make Life Happen…Again!”