How To Be a Better Dad: The REWIND Button

0
2780
Rating :
(0 Votes )

Our SingleDad members share their fatherhood experiences and life as a single parent. This month, we share the story about the REWIND Button. Learn How to Be a Better Dad on SingleDad.com

How To Be a Better Dad: The REWIND Button

Our
SingleDad members share their fatherhood experiences and life as a single
parent. This month, we share the story about the REWIND Button. Learn How to Be
a Better Dad on SingleDad.com

It started at the pool…

I recently took my two daughters swimming at the pool the
other day. It was a perfect summer day in San Diego, California. My girls
brought snacks to eat and extra games to play after they swam laps and splashed
about in the shallow end together.

As I sat poolside watching my daughters, another Dad with
his two kids pulled a lounge chair next to me. This man looked in his Mid 30’s
and I would guess that his son and daughter were close in age, around 5 and 7
years old. We exchanged pleasantries and offered each other the "Dad Nod" as we
sat and looked attentively to our kids in the water.

As our kids moved further away in the pool, he asked me if I
was divorced. I nodded and said "over seven years now". Without a moment of
hesitation, he told me he had just divorced recently and that he was having
trouble adjusting to his custody and Single Parent Life. I saw the pain in this
man’s face, and I was familiar with that look far too well. As he tried to get
his words out, his voice cracked often and I can sense that he was ready to
breakdown and cry.

t shirt

Divorce Life
Transition

I sat and listened to him talk for the next hour or so. His
details of betrayal, hurt and disappointment felt all too familiar to me. As he
paused between addressing one of his kids in the pool, I saw a moment to offer
my advice that I had learned a long time ago. This advice was given to me while
sitting in a couch across from my family therapist.

I said, "Have
you ever heard of the Rewind Button?"

This man looked puzzled, as if I was explaining something in
top secret code to him like only the experienced, divorced dad’s knew about. He said, "No, what does it mean?" I
said, "let me tell you about the REWIND Button and what you need to know about
being divorced with children."

The REWIND Button

And so this is what I told this newly divorced dad sitting
at the pool next to me, on a long, summer day in San Diego:

I’m dating myself, but I can remember back in the day when I
used to collect records, for a brief time it was 8-tracks and then I moved on
into buying cassette tapes. I used to love recording my LP records onto the
cassette tapes because it allowed me to mix and match different artists and
songs that I liked at the time.

One of the best things about a cassette tape at the time was
that you could change songs and move forward or backwards on the tape a lot
faster than using a record player. You can also use these buttons to go forward
or backwards in the middle of the music if you were looking to capture a
certain part of the song. This feature on a cassette tape player was a game changer.

cassette

There are four buttons on my cassette player:


Play


Stop


Forward


Rewind

The reason why I am talking about the cassette player is
because of one feature: the rewind button. This button allows you to replay
your song, over and over again. As many times as you want to hear it, just hit
the rewind button and the song would start all over again.

Divorce life transition is a lot like a cassette player.
There are some things that happened along the way of your life that you just
can’t let go. You choose to rewind those events in your mind and thoughts; over
and over again. It could be a
defining moment in your married life that you believe has caused the divorce,
or maybe it’s a choice you made that you now regret and you rewind that moment
over and over again. The point I am trying to make to you is that you need to
get rid of your REWIND button in life. This button is not going to change what
has happened. That REWIND button is causing the suffering in your voice when
you share your story; only you can control that button. The stories you are sharing with me are
no different than the variety of songs on a cassette tape that you choose to
play different songs, over and over again…

I am not here to judge you or the choices that you have made
that has gotten you to this place. I am not without fault or blame in my own
failed marriage and subsequent divorce. Those events in my life have a place
and I call it the forgiven past. I broke my REWIND button and I choose not to
go back and play back those "old songs" of past events that I regret. I
realized that playing them over does not change the outcome. I have also
realized that I have a responsibility to create the best family environment for
my children despite my divorce. I know you will understand this conversation
after you have had some time to think about what I am saying… It’s not easy,
but you can do it.

The REWIND button is alive and well in all of us. You just
have to understand that you can control that button and keep yourself from
playing the same life events over and over again in your head. When you feel
like your doing it, picture the other buttons in your mind and either move
forward or stop yourself from repeating that "song" or story. It takes time and
practice, but you will get control of it

Richard JaramilloRichard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”