How To Be a Better Dad is the Fatherhood and co-parenting section on SingleDad. This month, you will learn about the responsibilities about being a stepparent. Also will learn about how to feel about not getting invited to my boyfriends kids sporting events ….. Read more.
How To Be a Better Dad:
"Winter Schedule & Sharing: Un-invited"
How To Be a Better Dad is the Fatherhood and co-parenting
section on SingleDad. This month, you will learn about the responsibilities
about being a stepparent. Also will learn about how to feel about not getting
invited to my boyfriends kids sporting events ….. Read more.
My name is Maria I am a 36-year old single woman dating a
45-year old Divorced Dad. I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year and I
have met his 9 -year old daughter and 7-year old son on many occasions. Lately,
I have gone through the often-difficult feelings of being "un-invited" to
events because of the fear that my boyfriend has with his ex-wife. His kids are
in sports this winter and I would like to know, what are the "unspoken rules"
of dating a divorced dad who has weekend sports activities with their kids?
More importantly, "when do I get invited?"
I can relate to your situation because I had gone through
this myself. I think there are a multitude of scenarios that I can lay out to
you letting you know that there are "silver Linings" to your story. However,
without knowing all the details to your past year with your SingleDad; I am
going to try to shed some light with you as it has occurred with me and my
When a divorced dad is starting a social life, it is normal
for him to go "back and forth" on inviting you to some, but not all activities
with his kids. There are feelings of post-divorce guilt, post-divorce
joint-friends that still need sorting out and a variety of other pressures that
a SingleDad feels when introducing and participating in family activities with
In my situation, I can look back and say that I made a few mistakes
by introducing my kids too early in my dating process and it had negative
consequences in my relationships with my kids. I did not draw boundaries when
it came to "PDA" in front of my kids and it left them confused because I was
contradicting myself by calling this particular woman, "My friend" when
actually, I wasn’t prepared to commit to any relationship.
My general advice to you is this:
Have a talk with your boyfriend and offer to "draw the
line". This means you respect his position as a caring loving father who is
jointly involved with his kid’s winter activities. Ask him if you can
participate in any capacity knowing that it may involve some boundaries. Have
an open dialog of what boundaries mean to you and ask for his input. Bring up
the "PDA" in front of the kids as well as his relationship with his ex-spouse.
Chances are this time next year, she will have a boyfriend and these kinds of
situations will be better adjusted for all parties.
If you are not comfortable with going to sporting events
with his ex-spouse, then try to talk to him about splitting up the sporting
events. If you are able to come to a conclusion with his ex-spouse there, then it
works out for everyone. At the same time you are not going to the sporting
events for his ex-spouse, but for your boyfriends kids to support them. Be the
bigger person and wear a smile on your face once you see his ex-spouse.
Communication is the key to most relationships. That’s my
main advice to you. Communicate with your boyfriend; tell him how you feel
about not being invited to some of his kids sporting events. Coming from
someone that knows dating very well just tell him. It’s only going to express
how you feel!
Got Kids? Need Fatherhood or Single
Do you have a Post Divorce, Single Parenting or Fatherhood
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Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”