How To Be a Better Man: Which Way to Forgiveness?

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SingleDad offers Post Divorce advice for Men. We know what you are thinking and that’s why SingleDad is here as your resource. This week, learn about a Divorced Dads Guilt and how it is affecting his fatherhood. Read more…

How To Be a Better Man: Which
Way to Forgiveness?

SingleDad offers Post Divorce
advice for Men. We know what you are thinking and that’s why SingleDad is here
as your resource. This week, learn about a Divorced Dads Guilt and how it is
affecting his fatherhood. Read more…

Question or Comment:

My name is Derrick and I am a
46-year-old Divorced Dad. I live in Southern California and have two children,
ages 13 16. I have been divorced for over three years now and for the most
part, I think my custody schedule, career, and family life is in order. My
question I have to ask is about my relationship with my ex-spouse. I want to
know if other members on this website have the same situation as me. You see, sometimes,
but not all the time; I have moments of regret and guilt. My divorce was messy
and hurtful in many different ways. I was married for over 15 years and there
was a lot of garbage that both of us had gone through together. Some of these
events are partly because of my poor judgment and if I had to do it all over again;
I would make a different choices because of all the people I hurt.

divorce

The problem I am having is
getting over the past and going forward in my life. I meet a lot of great women
in my life these days, and I don’t seem to let them in. I seem to sabotage
these women and look for the "wrong" in them and not give them a chance on
getting deeper into my life. I have sought counseling and tried to explain
these feelings, but it doesn’t seem to help.

Do you or other members on
this site relate to my situation and can you recommend any solutions to my
problem?

My question is this: Which
way to forgiveness?

dad mistakes

Answer from SingleDad:

Hey Derrick,

First of all, thank you for
your honesty and openness to this subject. Divorce is never easy and for the
most part, I spend a lot of my time addressing the children of divorce and
other post divorce advice issues. It is refreshing to tackle the issues that
Men of Divorce have going on in their lives. In your case, I can relate on many
fronts because I am just as guilty of making bad decisions over the course of a
marriage and it is difficult to find the road to forgiveness. However, the good
news is this: Life is a book of many chapters and you will soon discover that
you are just in the middle of a bad chapter and the book of life has a happy
ending in store for you.

The Book of Life

You are at the "mid-life" of
your book and for many men your age, there are moments of pause and
reflection., Some of these past chapters are not fun to revisit and read some of
the chapters of your poor decisions. However, keeping a close and civil
relationship with your ex-spouse can sometimes hurt your progress in life more
than you know. Looking at your ex-spouse can trigger those past chapters in
your life; but not to worry my friend, you will get through this chapter in
life intact. I promise

The best advice I can
recommend is to focus on three things:

1. Your Children

2. Your Career that provides
for you and your family

3. Your overall well being;
which includes proper rest, fitness and diet. You are no good to yourself or anybody with poor
health.

journal

Post Divorce Advice for Men

If you have these bouts with
anxiety or depression, do yourself a favor and sit down and write a journal.
Take your thoughts out of your head and write down those thoughts on paper for
just your own viewing. Get as much as you can on paper, no matter what it
takes. This lesson is something I learned to find my peace of mind and move
forward in my life. Too many times, men like to internalize thoughts and
emotions of past mistakes and that’s not healthy. Those feelings just sit
inside us and they do no good fermenting in our minds and body; it often leads
to poor health and you don’t want to do that. Take your thoughts to paper and
get those feelings and stories of yesterday out of your body and you will see
some progress.

How To Forgive Yourself

Another recommendation is
making peace within you. No matter how easy this sounds, it’s difficult to
forgive yourself "Authentically". I can only speak on my experience, but my
faith was a huge factor on creating the hope and courage to face my guilt and
move on in my post – divorce life. The path to forgiveness will be found in
your faith. If you haven’t been to a church in a while,
ask a friend to go with you and rediscover your faith…

Keep me posted on your
progress and keep in touch.

Do you have a Post-Divorce
Dad Question? Ask SingleDad

Do
you have a Post Divorce, Single
Parenting or Fatherhood question you want to ask, send us an email with your
question to: Parenting@SingleDad.com
We will post your question and
keep your personal information private.

Richard JaramilloRichard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”