Teenager Parenting: Friend or Father Figure?

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Whether you are a single dad or a married dad, this is the age old question: Teenager Parenting: Friend or Father Figure?

Whether you are a single dad or a married dad, this is the age old question. When my daughter, the youngest of four children and the only girl, started soccer at the age of 6, I figured I had it made. She dresses herself for her first practice. Me, as a dad, do little to instruct her on what to wear. Her having been around three older brothers and the many sports they participated in, I didn’t see the need to supervise her dressing. The time to leave for the practice field is getting closer. I call her to come down from her room so we can leave. I like to be prompt, especially when I am the coach. She comes running down the stairs, cleats in hand. She is proud of the blue bow gracing her neatly braided hair. Squeaky clean face and neatly creased soccer shirt and shorts with a smile to die for, my daughter stops and looks at my smile. She asks why I am laughing at her uniform. “Well, baby… Only guys wear a sports cup. And usually it is under their shorts.” She is proudly sporting a cup on the outside of her shorts; because her brothers wore one, was the answer.

Fast forward 9 years and dad is empting the lint trap to the clothes dryer. In the trap, I find and hold up a piece of cloth no bigger than dental floss. I suddenly realize that it is my daughter’s thong underwear. Oh how I long for the day she wore her brothers sport cup. From the age of fourteen to the age of eighteen, my relationship with my daughter was anything but friendly between the two of us. I tried to stand by the rules on which I raised my three sons, only to be told girls are different. I was feeling at war with both her and her mother. Each rule, or as in Pirates of the Caribbean, more like guide lines, was challenged and altered. What once worked for her older brothers was now somehow different. Curfew as a freshman in high school was 7 pm for the boys and no friends allowed on school nights. For the daughter it became 8 pm and friends were allowed till dinner time. You probably are thinking about cell phone usage, I gave up on that battle 2 years prior. Although, I did get her to complete her homework before texting her friends. It may seem petty to fight for discipline in your daughter’s life but if you don’t, no one else will.

Understand that if you want a strong daughter, you have to be a strong father. Not cruel but caring. You must set the parameters of your field of influence. Inside your home, you have control of the computer, the TV and the cell phone. Don’t let her shut herself in her room with no supervision over the computer. Inspect what you expect; this statement is great in business but even more a rule in your home. Inspect her homework, her online destinations, and her friends. Build time for you and her to communicate. This doesn’t mean you lecture her but share your insights into how boys feel about girls. Be soft with your message to her and strong with your message to the boys she brings home. Let her know that her chastity is worth fighting for and that you are there to protect her from the outside influences of the media and peers. You will feel like the lone voice in the woods. You will be called uncool, rigid, old fashioned and, worst of all, a Neanderthal! Stick to your principles. She will love you all the more when she realizes your love comes with no strings attached. Stay close to her so she doesn’t seek that out from her boyfriends. This means holding hands, hugs before bed, and kisses on the fore head to show everything is going to be alright.

I am here to say that it is different raising a girl. There is so much more responsibility on us dads to say and do the right thing. You are more powerful than you realize and your comments carry a great deal of weight. Your remarks made to another person about weight, beauty and brains do not go unnoticed. Dads, if I can make one suggestion as to a must read. “Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters” 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know by Meg Meeker, MD; should be your very first read into how I should BE as a Friend or Father Figure.

Rich Philips

Rich Phillips
ActionCOACH
The World’s #1 Business Coaching Firm
619-892-4919
richphillips@actioncoach.com
www.actioncoach.com/richphillips
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=15951EB32B95EB35

Richard JaramilloRichard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”

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Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com, a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children. RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents “Make Life Happen…Again!”