Single Women seeking advice on how to date a Divorced Dad. This month, a younger woman wants to know how to break up with her Divorced Dad… Read more
Dear Ask SingleDad,
This is a head or the heart issue and
also a May-December romance issue:
I am 24-years old and have been dating a 45 year-old single dad for about five
years. We live together and I love him and his children very much. He is a
gentleman, a wonderful dad, funny, lively and healthy. He is generous and loves
However, due to our age differences he has a lot of baggage.
His financial situation is dismal due to his divorce, (alimony, child support,
and unpaid student loans). He has a great professional job but two-thirds of
his paycheck goes to debt. He has no savings due to his circumstances and has a
current tax levy on him. I am a
recent college grad who has never been out on my own; I am starting to crave my
independence and the ability to make my own life. I am planning a break-up
conversation. As much as I don’t want to do this, I know this is the best
decision for me to make right now.
My problem is his family. How do I tell his kids that I am
leaving? He only has them in the summer. Should I leave the house before they
come down? Should I tell them in person or let my former partner tell them? How
do I tell his sisters and brothers who have always treated me like family what
my reasons are for leaving? I still love my Divorced Dad very much but I know I
can’t be with
It’s heartbreaking. What do I do?
Lost in limbo
Dear Lost In Limbo…
If I am doing the math right, your Divorced Dad started
dating when you were around 19, correct? If so, I am sure the past 5 years
together have been a learning experience for both of you and I can only
sympathize for the pending conversation you will have to eventually make. As a
Divorced Dad, I have had my share of dating younger women and I have had
similar realities hit me when it came to dating a much younger woman. The truth
is, your Divorced Dad boyfriend probably has had the same reality or concerns that
he may not be able keep you happy forever. If he is anything like you described, he has enjoyed your
company and knows that there is an end pending at some point. There is a time
for everything in our lives and it’s time to begin the next chapter in life for
both of you.
No break–ups are easy, but here are a couple rules to
follow. Make your break up about appreciating everything your boyfriend has
done with you. Explain that you have to move on for circumstances beyond his
control. Don’t make it about physical or monetary challenges; nobody wants to
be reminded of their shortcomings.
Tell him that you still care about his well being but be confident and
clear to him that you have to move on to begin a new chapter in your life
Finally, when it comes to addressing your break up with
family and loved ones, you have every right to request your boyfriend’s
permission to speak to his extended family. If he says, no, then honor his
request. If he has adult family siblings, parents or relatives that reach out
to you; then that’s fair game. However, you have to respect the boundaries with
his children and you do not have direct access to speak with his children
without his consent and knowledge. As much as it may hurt you, it is more
harmful to get his children involved with your break-up. Children never choose
divorce or break-ups, adults do…
Good Luck to both of you.
Are you a Single Woman dating a Divorced Dad? or Are you a Divorced Dad looking for
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Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”