Ask SingleDad is the Single Parent Dating Advice section on SingleDad. This week, learn about a Single Woman’s dating dilemma when she has to choose between dating a Divorced Dad and a Single Man, never married. Read more.
Ask SingleDad Dating Advice: Single Woman Dating Dilemma;
Divorced Dad vs. Single Man Never Married
Ask SingleDad is the Single
Parent Dating Advice section on SingleDad. This week, learn about a Single Woman’s dating dilemma when
she has to choose between dating a Divorced Dad and a Single Man, never married.
Dear Ask SingleDad,
My name is Kate; I am a 39-
year old single woman living in San Clemente, California. I am a physician working in the medical
field for over 15 years. I have never been married, nor have any children. I guess
you can categorize me as a woman who focused on her
career first and put all other things in my life on the sidelines.
I am reaching out to you to
ask your advice about a dating dilemma. This past year, I began the process of
online dating. I signed up for both, EHarmony and Match and experienced some
limited success. I kept an open mind and expanded my search criteria over this
past summer and met two different men.
For the sake of my story, I
will call the first guy "Matt". Matt is a 42 -year old, never married,
businessman. What initially drew me to Matt was his "Alpha Male" personality. Matt is very smart and a dynamic
personality. He had explained that his career had kept him from marriage and
was not interested in having children. At the time, I didn’t give that comment
much thought; although it did raise questions later on. During the course of our dating, I
found that Matt had a habit of going "Hot and Cold" on me and his work schedule
often kept our dating random and infrequent. I decided to call things off with
Matt and pursue other men. I stopped seeing Matt around the time I met David.
David is a 46-year old Single
Dad. David is self-employed and has three children; ages 19, 17 and 14. I had
never dated a Divorced Dad before and I was pleasantly surprised how polite and
thoughtful David was in contrast to Matt. I was drawn to David’s attentiveness
and his ability to juggle his career and three children around my
often-challenging medical schedule. As the summer was ending, David and I began
a more serious and committed relationship.
This is where my story takes
About three weeks ago, Matt
calls me and leaves a long and detailed message that he wants to talk about a
horrible mistake he has made. We met for coffee and Matt tells me that he wants
me back and outlines everything he will do to create a committed relationship.
We talk for over three hours and I leave thoroughly confused.
In the meantime, I am still
dating David and making plans on having him and his children move in with me in
my house. We have been talking
about this move for a while and planned on integrating our lives before the
holidays. I feel like I should put these plans on hold because I’m not sure
what I want to do.
Matt is saying and doing
everything he said he would do and is remarkably available for me. David is not
doing anything wrong, but I am not so sure I am over Matt.
What do I do?
What’s the rush? In my
opinion, you got a lot going on in your dating world and you don’t need to be
making any quick decisions right now.
On one hand, you had your first
romance with Matt. Matt sounds like the kind of man who has a commitment
challenge. Matt is in his early 40’s and sounds like he enjoys his work just as
much as the social lifestyle that goes with it. Lot’s of travel, lots of fun…
got it? Unless Matt is facing a new
position that requires him to be more "stationary", what do you think is going
to change with his behavior?
The bottom line is that you
chose to break things off with Matt for a reason, so I would strongly suggest
that you stop trying to "talk yourself" into giving this guy another chance.
It’s common for some woman to look back and reflect on the "good" on an
ex-boyfriend that was "bad" to you, but the truth is; you broke up for a reason
and his bogus promises are just sales talk… so don’t buy-in.
On the other hand, your
Single Dad has a lot of moving parts. David has captured your heart with his
attentiveness and his "Built-in" family. When dating a Divorced Dad, you get
two men for the price of one: the Single Man and The Family Man. Stop trying to
look for the "bad" in this man when you liked him from the beginning for all
the "good" he brings to your life.
Divorce Dad Dating is Different
In summary, maybe it is best
to step back and re-evaluate your situation. You need to have a talk with David
and be open about your recent communication with Matt. This is not only good
advice; this is called honesty. Be open about your feelings and allow yourself
to explain your thoughts openly. If you have doubts with David, then bring
those feelings up to him and get them out. As much as I am pulling for David, you need a break from both
of these guys…
Either way, keeping both men
at a distance right now is going to be the best thing for you. Just keep
yourself accountable and don’t let either one of these men "sneak "
communication with you unless it is on your terms.
Good Luck and keep me posted.
Are You Dating a Divorced Dad? Ask SingleDad
wants to help you understand Single Parent Dating from a Man’s perspective. If
you are a Single Woman dating a divorced dad and have a question, or a Divorced
Dad seeking dating advice, send us an email to: Dating@SingleDad.com Your question
will be posted and your name will remain anonymous.
Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”