Are you dating a SingleDad? Do you need some relationship advice? Women want to kow how to date a divorced dad and Ask SingleDad offers the answers…
Dear Ask SingleDad,
So here is my predicament…
Last April I was reacquainted with an old college friend who
is a 40 years old, pending a divorce, and a Dad of an 8 and 5 year old. We
started communicating a little bit more due to Facebook over the past
year. He is separated and moved
out from his wife since April 2011.
The end of his relationship did not go well He has his kids
every other weekend and picks them up and drops them off from school about 3
times a week.
Over this past year, he convinced me to hold a dinner reunion with some of our old
college friends in town and he planned on coming in from out of town for the
reunion party. That was this past June. Since June, we have become closer
through texting, emailing and phone conversations daily. Things have turned
romantically between us, but we are limited because he lives out of town. We
have met a couple times in the fall and the chemistry was confirmed, however,
on one of my visits, he seemed quite distant and skiddish during my stay. I kept
cool and didn’t want to ruin our time together.
Last weekend he came to NYC and we had another romantic night. He was in for
work, but we managed to make a nice night of it. During the evening, we talked
only briefly about us, and he told me he is not ready to be ‘ anyone’s ‘
boyfriend just yet. He is still figuring out how to be a single dad. He
hasn’t tackled his own business yet. He just opened it over the summer. He has
a lot of change going on in his life. I am being patient and supportive, but I
am also wondering of there is a future in all of this.
So here are my questions…
– Is this worth it?
Do I stick with it? Should this relationship need more time?
How much time is needed?
– Do I keep being patient and hanging in there?
When will I know if he is ready to commit?
I would love to get some guidance from you… Thank you so very much.
Beth in NYC
Dear Beth in NYC,
Let’s start from the beginning…
What I see is a guy who is in a boat that is in a middle of
stormy waters and woman who has her boat already docked at the landing.
A couple things catch my attention immediately. The first
sign is that your new boyfriend is still a married man. For some men, just
moving out is a huge step. He still needs to file those final divorce papers in
order to move forward in his life, (if divorce is what he truly wants). This
step is huge for some men. I can tell you from experience that not all men
handle their divorce process the same way mentally and emotionally. Some move
quickly through the process, while others just prefer to stay in “the stormy
waters” and live their lives in flux. I won’t be surprised to hear that your
boyfriend’s soon to be ex-wife will be the one to finalize the divorce… It’s
just my guess. Stay tuned.
There is some good news to share. It sounds like you are an
important foundation for your boyfriend. You provide the confidence and
stability for him during these tough times of transition. It is very common for
men going through this period of time to look for a person that offers the most
emotional support and stability. My guess is that you have a solid career, no
children and give him a reminder of the simpler times in college when you were
friends. He trusts you.
As for your question on “How Long Do I Stick with It?”, this
is a difficult situation that I can only tell you with my limited understanding
of “one side” of the relationship:
Long Distance Relationships are challenging and difficult.
It is very hard for the two of you to start something new together when you
live in two different towns. For now, my best advice for you is to enjoy his
company, but keep it perspective and manage your expectations on how serious it
can get. Enjoy his company for the moment, but also allow this time in your
life to open up new doors of opportunity with others that might be coming into
Remember, a boat can only see as far as the horizon.
Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com, a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children. RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents “Make Life Happen…Again!”
Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”