We clear away what was and make room for what will be…
When RJ asked me to write an opening letter to the single dads of the world, I initially thought “Great! This is an opportunity to let my dating pool know some basic do’s and don’ts so this dating experience can get a bit easier…”
I had a top ten list in mind. It went something like:
1. Accept that we are wired differently and just resign yourself to ask for directions!
2. There are a lot of us that really do like it when you call us ‘baby”
Then I thought maybe I would just get real with you. Why not? So here it is…. We all feel like we have failed in the marriage department (well those of us ready to take accountability for our lives) and it feels good to be okay with that. This is a journey but now we’ve got kids that are looking to us for direction and inspiration. I see this as a huge opportunity to teach them something that will help them be successful in this complex world. Show them that you can re-start your life today if you want to. Start building with them and let them see that it is okay to make mistakes. If we can provide a place where our kids are loved and prioritized then it doesn’t matter so much that mom and dad live in different places. When you are with them, be with them; don’t let everything else that is going on distract you. This is that is probably more quality attention than they received when you were married. Show them how to stop living in the past and how to love the present. I know it’s not that easy – I work on this every single day. Like many single dads, I know how to be successful in business, but a relationship is a whole different ball game. And personally, I never was all that skilled with a ball. Here’s what I know: The fact that you are on this website tells me that you care about being a dad, I can’t think of anything sexier than that. You can have everything you want right now, just apply a little focus to the most important things in life!
Hey, I guess I’ll finish that top ten list of things you should know now…
3. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts)
4. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look. I much prefer (and will be very happy) if you say, "You look beautiful; you look so sexy!"
5. It’s cheating as soon as you’re doing something with her that you wouldn’t want me to see, hear, read or find out about…
6. Shoes determine whether you’re fashionable or not
7. You’re sexy when you’re shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.
8. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public
9. I remember everything about our relationship all the time; I am also aware that, when you’re working, you can forget about me/us entirely for hours at a time. That scares me because I don’t understand it… and never will.
10. I love it when you’re sweaty.
Those really are truths for women…I swear! I hope that helps a little in this crazy journey. It can be fun if you relax and let it be! You are a better person today than you were when you got married. That makes you a bigger catch now than you ever were. Know that and go have fun with it.
All my best,
“Single Dad Dater Extraordinaire”
Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”