Single Parent Dating : Ask SingleDad

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Single Parent Dating Advice on SingleDad. This weeks topic is about a Divorced Dad dating an older woman who is single and wanting to help out. Learn the right ways a Divorced Dad can support his girlfriends family transition…

Ask SingleDad

Dear SingleDad…

I have been dating an older woman for the last nine months
and she has met my two children about 10 times in the last 3 months. Everything
seems to be going great, but at a Fantasy Football party she and I ran into a
snag. She stayed with the kids in the playroom while I finished my picks and
had a hard time getting the kids to listen to her. She politely asked for them
to put away the toys, but neither of them moved quickly or respond to her. She
brought it up later and was worried that she doesn’t know my parenting
techniques and did not want to say or do something I would not agree with. I
said I trusted her decisions and had no challenge with her sternly speaking
with my children if they did not clean up their messes. I am a strict parent,
but I have a tone they listen to. I want my children to respect her without her
feeling like she’s crossing the boundaries. My girlfriend said she doesn’t want
to disrespect the mother of my children by trying to play Mommy, but how is she
supposed to be their friend and gain respect without a little tough love. Can
anyone help me out here? I plan on marrying this one by the way. She is 36 with
no children and I’ am 31 with two,(4 & 5 yrs.). What Do I Do?

Fantasy Football Dad

Guys watching football

Dear Fantasy Football
Dad

First, tell your girlfriend that you support her and that
she does not have to "win the love" of your children by spoiling
them. Your kids are looking for consistency, and it is up to her to be
consistent in front of them in her communication and direction. What this means
is, try not to but in or correct the situation for her. It is easy to get
inpatient and "interrupt" a situation in front of your kids and your
girlfriend, ( it fixes things immediately, but this will only hurt the long
term relationship). Be supportive and ask the children
what is being asked of her and ask them to
"reiterate" her request… This is a sign of re-enforcement and
support. Also, encourage your girlfriend to ask the
children to reiterate her request as well. "Ask the
kids what is being asked of them… What Did Daddy ask
you to do?" If there is no re-action, then just stop what you are doing
and collectively take a "time out" until the request is completed.
When everyone takes the "time out", this will draw attention to the
request. Kids at this age understand many activities as games and taking a time
out collectively is a good way to communicate on their level…

Secondly, Your kids are fairly young and they are emotionally fragile. They may
be confused in understanding your committed relationship. I don’t know how long
you have been divorced, but sometimes having a new "Mommy Figure" in
a Single Parent household is confusing for young
children. Your kids may be acting out hurt or frustration. Remember, children
don’t choose divorce; Adults do and the emotional consequences from divorce
have different reactions from children. The best thing I can recommend is check
your Health Insurance and see if your insurance covers Family Counseling and
talk to a licensed Psychologist who can help you. I have been divorced for over
13 years and I still see my family counselor to help me manage, post divorce
issues with my three kids.

Either way, I think you will be fine and these issues you have are very common
and can be fixed with a little patience and support from the right resources.

Keep me posted.

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Richard JaramilloRichard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com, a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children. RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents “Make Life Happen…Again!”

Richard JaramilloRichard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”

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Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com, a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children. RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents “Make Life Happen…Again!”