Nothing brings on an emotional apocalypse like being ditched by the woman you love. It is Cupids evil twin kicking you in the gut, and it seems the only option is to wallow in misery. With your confidence broken, it is hard to face the world again.
Nothing brings on an emotional apocalypse like being ditched by the
woman you love. It’s Cupid’s evil twin kicking you in the gut, and it
seems the only option is to wallow in misery. With your confidence
broken, it’s hard to face the world again.
The truth is, many have been there before and lived to tell the tale.
We talked to relationship experts to find out the quickest and most
pain-free way to turn your mindset around — because it is, after all,
all about attitude — and get back on that horse. This is their advice.
1. Avoid the Rebound
“Don’t wallow in your bad feelings and then stagger out there before you’re ready,” says Tina Tessina, a relationships counselor and the author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. “You’re just going to set yourself up for the same situation all over again.”
If you’re still feeling like a basket case, you’ll come off like a
basket case, and that’s not the “you” you want to put out there. There’s
a difference between allowing some time to let the wounds heal and
pining over a lost cause.
2. Do Something Manly
According to David Wygant, a relationships expert and the author of Always Talk to Strangers: 3 Simple Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life, it’s
important to get away for a weekend. “Book a vacation. I don’t care
what your budget is. Go away by yourself or bring a great friend and do
something manly,” he advises. “Go kayaking or sailing on a lake, go for a
hike, go camping with the boys.”
Whichever activity you choose, the most important thing is to go with
trusted buddies and to make yourself a promise. “You must make a pact
that you will not weep the entire weekend about how much you miss her.”
It’s too easy to get in the habit of feeling depressed. Doing
something manly serves as a reminder of all the other things we enjoy.
It gives us the confidence to carry on.
3. Figure out What You Want
The healing process
is about forging a new commitment to yourself and identifying your needs
in a partner. “This is really important,” says Wygant. “Make a list of
what your future girlfriend needs to be like — what she needs to look
like, yes, but also how you want to feel around her, what you want to do
with her. The clearer you are about what you want, the more fun dating
is going to be when you get back into it.”
Without knowing what you’re looking for, you’ll keep walking into the
same situation as before: “The same exact woman who is going to teach
you the same exact lessons,” says Wygant. You don’t want to end up back
where you started.
4. Take a Position — Serious or Casual
worth developing the same kind of understanding for your current state.
“Do you want to date casually for the next six months to a year and not
get involved with anyone?” asks Wygant. “Then be good with that.” This
isn’t a feeling to hide either. Girls will actually respect your
Whether you decide to keep things casual at first or look for a
serious commitment, simply taking a position bolsters your confidence.
It puts you in control of an aspect of your life that was earlier
5. Now Get Back in the Game
Once you’re feeling
good, you’ve considered what you want in a relationship, and you’ve
identified your needs, it’s time to get back on that horse. “Pick five
places where you enjoy meeting women,” suggests Wygant. These could be
coffee shops, the gym, a running club, wherever. But remember: This is
about recommitting to yourself and meeting like-minded individuals.
Choose the places you’re comfortable in. “Those are the places you go to
meet people because then you’ll always have something to talk about,”
explains Wygant. “Then you won’t get frustrated during this whole
6. Have an Abundant Mindset
abundant mindset is like always seeing the glass as being half-full. It
eliminates your suffering because you believe that even better
relationships will come. “This is not the end of the world,” says
Tessina. “It may feel like it at first, but it’s just the first
experience of many.” Or, as Wygant says, “This is not the only person in
the world that is ever going to love you.”
So don’t feel down. Recognize the breakup as the opportunity it is: a
time to reconnect with yourself and to determine your own path in life
Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, is the Founder of SingleDad.com,
a website and social media resource dedicated to single parenting and specifically for the newly divorced, re-married, widowed and single Father with children.
RJ is self employed, entrepreneur living in San Diego and a father of three children. The mission of SingleDad is to help the community of Single Parents
“Make Life Happen…Again!”